“It took me 13 years to win a Super Bowl. But it only took me one season to win a ‘mirror ball.'” – Donald Driver
Can you help me understand if Super Bowl ad spots get discounted once the game goes into overtime?
Super Bowl Sunday. It is the day where millions of people gather around their flat screens and copious amounts of dips n’ snacks n’ wings to watch grown men run around in spandex and a helmet, body slamming each other and tossing an oddly shaped leather ball around, while being interrupted occasionally by the most expensive and allegedly the best of the best commercials in all the land. And when your team isn’t in the big game, and you’re feeling absolutely no pressure to care which team comes out victorious, it all becomes far more entertaining to observe. What follows are some observations over the course of the game.
America The Beautiful – As a woman and a citizen of the USA, I happened to really enjoy the addition of “sisterhood” into the lyrics of America the Beautiful by The Schuyler Sisters (from the cast of Hamilton). I am a purist when it comes to music, so I am normally not an advocate of altering the lyrics of songs (or people taking ridiculous liberties with a classic tune) in a national setting like the Super Bowl, especially not a song of that caliber, but super classy move by those ladies.
Luke Bryan & The National Anthem – You learn something everyday. And on Super Bowl Sunday I learned that the tall drink of country water, by the name of Luke Bryan, could really sing when he’s not huntin’ fishin’ and lovin’ every day and crashing my party. All my friends say that when you strip it down (the National Anthem) and kill the lights, it can take you on a roller coaster of emotions*. The dude has some pipes and he did just that. It is even more remarkable when you consider how tight his jeans are.
*I jammed as many Luke Bryan song titles into that bit for any Luke Bryan fans out there. If you are not a fan, it’s perfectly ok to think that I’ve lost a few marbles. No hard feelings at all.The Coin Toss – Well they couldn’t make the inauguration but dammit they made it to the Super Bowl. In their defense, they are in their 90s and frankly, what else is there to do in Houston on a Sunday night? Love them or not, and regardless of your political preferences (and please don’t share them on my blog), it was nice to see them doing better health-wise than they were a few weeks ago. Those are some classy folks. I have no idea who actually won the coin toss though. I was too distracted.
Down Pillow on the Sofa – I realized about midway through the first quarter that I’d been propping myself up on what my sister told me was a down pillow. Here’s to an evening of my airways closing up.
Commentators – You’d think after an entire NFL season, they’d get the names of the players correct. Several obvious flub-ups. Come on fellas; you’re professionals.
Skittles Commercial – You know, the one with the juvenile throwing them through the upstairs window of his lady friend (how unoriginal) and the array of people sliding along the floor catching them in their mouths (making a very unattractive sound in the process). It was quite possibly the dumbest thing I have ever seen. And they paid millions for that spot. Dear Skittles, is that really the best you can do? And also – why do you need an ad during the Super Bowl? I just cannot imagine that will generate even a single sale of Skittles. It is perplexing. I mean the H&R Block and TurboTax commercials I get – it’s tax season, why not remind people of your tax services by hiring out the Mad Men star for a couple of seconds or knocking Humpty Dumpty off the wall and making him a public spectacle during the big game. But Skittles? It’s not skittle season. They aren’t political themed candies. Spending millions of dollars on high fructose corn syrup formed into tiny colorful pellets just seems excessive to me.
Elephant on the Treadmill – I have but one question on this. What the hell does that have to do with pistachios?? I remain confused. But I love a good pistachio or two.
Cam Newton Commercial – There is something hilarious about him throwing a blazing pass to a tiny human that sends said tiny human soaring 30 or 40 yards down the field. Still have no idea what that was advertising.
T-Mobile (1 of the 87 ads they had) – The Beibs cleans up pretty well; he looked like a regular human being with appropriately fitting clothes. He cleaned up so well that you almost didn’t recognize that obnoxious kid, who once was the subject of a petition to send him back to Canada, that has mega millions because he creates catchy tunes and sings “Sorry” on stage while kicking at water.
Talking Yearbook Pictures (Mazda) – What??
Bai Commercial – When you put Christopher Walken and Justin Timberlake in the same commercial, who honestly cares what product they are advertising. I found it wildly entertaining…partially because of the *NSYNC music, but mostly due to the utter joy I feel anytime someone speaks lyrics. The look on JT’s face – also hilarious.
Febreeze – “Your half time bathroom break is coming, is your bathroom ready?” Do I even need to comment? No, no I do not.
Half Time show promos – Don’t get me wrong, I was looking forward to Lady Gaga’s performance, but I think it is a bit of a stretch to call the half time show at the Super Bowl “the best music event of the year”. It’s barely February; a lot could happen the rest of the year! Like the Grammys or Jazz Fest or any live shows at Red Rocks or the Ryman. Just to throw out a couple of examples.
Lady Gaga Half Time Performance – Folks, fan or not, she dropped into the stadium from the roof of the dome on a couple of cables. She was on the roof and then jumped off! I don’t care who you are – that’s mad ballsy. Her first outfit looked incredibly uncomfortable but I can only assume that more material was added to prevent a wardrobe malfunction of the Janet Jackson variety. No nip-slips tonight folks. Phew. That gasp of air you heard was the combination of Fox network’s sigh of relief for when they saw her first stage costume and for when she jumped and those cables held. Those poor network folks probably haven’t slept since they contracted her to do the show – I mean you never know what she will show up in (two words – meat dress).Not sure if anyone noticed but that structure was for sure wobbling during the telephone number with all those folks hanging from it. Little scary! I have to imagine that Fox panicked at the wardrobe change mid-show. But alas, there were no nip-slips or other malfunctions that would have caused weeks of televised controversy and potentially the end of half time show entertainment, as we know it. Perhaps another wardrobe controversy would have altered the current news cycle for at least 24 hours to give us all a break. Now we will never know. Bad Romance graced us with some very interesting costumes and head gear, and I have to say that she’s one trusting artist to be carried around like that and to be dancing on those moving platforms that, if you’ll recall, were installed in a matter of minutes – MINUTES – prior to her jumping off the roof. I mean they were probably still ratcheting the last bolt in while she was dangling from those cables.
I have but one concern about the performance: Is anyone at all concerned about what Pink might do to top that? I don’t think they are at all in competition with each other, but last I saw Pink was spinning on those acrobatic ropes after dipping herself into a pool of water, and spinning very quickly – WHILE SINGING PEOPLE – over a room of celebs in their formal Grammy garb. Just saying.
Sorry for the very choppy summary, but overall, I think she has a great voice and that she’s a pretty excellent live performer. She actually sings while she is dancing (two skills, one stage) – mad props to her for that – fairly certain that only she and Pink do that live these days. Really great show I thought. Exit. Mic drop.
Super Bowl baby commercial – Kind of hysterical. A Mike Ditka inspired baby? Too funny.
Melissa McCarthy (Kia) – Is anything that she does not hilarious? I feel confident they got their budgets worth with that commercial.
Commercial Summary – As a whole, I thought the commercial line-up during the big game was a bit of a disappointment. It has been the last couple of years (my opinion, of course). But I did have 2 favorites of the night – Bai (with Walken and Timberlake) and the Melissa McCarthy Kia ad. If you can get me to chuckle, I’m all over it! And I just have to say – I swear, if I saw one more video game or TV show promo commercial I was going to go nutso. Where was the token Budweiser commercial with the beautiful Clydesdales and/or precious Labradors?? I mean if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
I almost forgot that while all of this was going on, there was a football game happening. An exciting one at that, as it turned out. Here are my very quick notes of the game.
Favorite Game Time Moment:
Towards the end of the third quarter a Falcons player and Patriots player got their helmets stuck together. Absolutely precious.
Atlanta Falcons – On Sunday, we learned that Julio Jones is a freak of nature in the best possible way. We also learned that the NFC South doesn’t have the best luck in Super Bowls; turns out you have to put not one, but two great halves of football together to win the game.
New England Patriots – They won. Again. Their success under the leadership of the gent with cut-off sweatshirt sleeves continues. Their second half was pretty ridiculous! But, the commentators once again forgot that there are 53 players on a football team. Not one. Tom Brady did not win the Super Bowl. The Patriots did. He absolutely played a key role, but it’s a team sport last I checked! I mean this is what fuels hilarious polls like the one below:Favorite Text of the Night:
“Who won the game? I found a new show on TLC…called brother husbands.”