“But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more. Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door. Da da da (da da da) Da da da (da da da) Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da “ – The Proclaimers, I’m Gonna Be
Can you help me understand (again) who is writing the fortunes in the fortune cookies?
Welp, it’s Friday and y’all know what that means…
The Fortune: A mile walked with a friend contains only a hundred steps.
I’ve read this one several times over and every single time, without fail, my brain goes right to what I feel is the question we are all wanting an answer to:
Exactly how big are the friend’s feet in this situation?!
I mean they have got to be utterly enormous feet! Like a couple of uncharacteristically large and never-before-seen colossal treads. Right?
I’m not sure if you have walked a mile recently, but let’s be honest…it takes far more than a hundred steps. So on the surface, this fortune is a real stretch.
Just look at the math for a second. There are 5,280 feet in a mile. If your friend walked a mile in a 100 steps, that basically means his treads have to be 52.8 feet in length, perhaps a tad less if you consider there’s a stride in there. Let’s call it 50 feet for simplicity. Those are some world-record setting clodhoppers; a sure fire way to earn yourself a first-class ticket to the freak show at the town fair; a no-brainer for the Olympic swimming team (imagine the dolphin kick with those things).
For argument’s sake let’s say this person does exist. There’s another element to this equation that needs to be addressed. I’m not sure that it would be physically possible for a human of average height to actually walk around with 50 foot feet, much less for a mile. The weight of them alone would have to be too much for one person to handle. They’d get in the way. Stubbed toes would be a way of life. There’s just no way this is physically possible. I’m certainly happy to entertain anything to the contrary.
After breaking this all down, I’m starting to really feel for the lad with the 50 foot feet. I imagine he might have some restrictions and limitations in life; it might be tough to make a lot of friends; he’s probably financially challenged because special ordering 50 foot kicks has got to be pricey; he may be homeless because trying to find a home with 50+ foot ceilings proved to be impossible; he probably can’t do cross fit (the horror) because of the physical limitations. Life could not be easy with 50 foot feet. I mean certainly don’t judge the guy until you’ve put yourself in his shoes. Seriously. It’s no joke.
On the other hand, he could have overcome his limitations and made some excellent life decisions. Perhaps he became a mega millionaire, running a technology firm or something ultra trendy where everyone works from home and his record-setting clodhoppers don’t get in the way. Only open-ended question here is what does the firm do when he decides to retire or ‘step’ down. Talk about some big shoes to fill.
But really, the silver lining in all of this, whether poor and homeless or filthy rich or somewhere in between…he can rock a sweet motivational jam, thanks to Lady Gaga, when he’s out and about, or running his business from his massive open-concept home with 50+ foot ceilings, or just kickin’ it back under the overpass on the outskirts of town where there’s a bit more space for those clunkers.
Final note – props to the inclusive friend who has developed a friendship with Mr. 50 foot feet. Hopefully they aren’t just in it for the fame and fortune.
“I’m beautiful in my way, ‘Cause God makes no mistakes, I’m on the right track, baby I was born this way” – Lady Gaga, Born This Way
With respect to the author of said fortune, I’m absolutely convinced that the fortune cookie writer in this case was either pounding ‘special’ brownies whilst rocking out to Widespread Panic on a weeknight or is just simply living in a dreamland filled with larger than life bonbons, dancing unicorns and people with massive feet. Or both.
And this may come a surprise, but I’d keep ‘em on the payroll. For sure.