“Hello. It’s Me.” – Adele, Hello
Can you help me understand what caused the pants shortage at the Grammys?
Monday mornings in the office certainly have their moments with respect to getting the ole brain switch to ‘on’ when you get into the office after being off for a couple of days, having been spoiled over the weekend by some flat-out amazing 70-75 degree sunny weather in February, of all months. Y’all know what I’m talking about. This Monday morning was one of those mornings where – as an example – you kick it off thinking to yourself, “Self. I have got some pep in my step this fine Monday morning which is most excellent,” but then you are abruptly thrown into the “nope, this is just another case of the Mondays” as you are mid-conversation with a colleague about ‘tomorrow’ which you for sure think is Wednesday. Well tomorrow isn’t Wednesday, it’s Tuesday. Dammit. That’s a real-time example, folks. That was my Monday morning. And as my work colleague kindly said, “Sarah, tomorrow is not Wednesday” and promptly followed that up with, “off to a rough start today” I had already started to playback the last 12ish hours to find the source of my Monday morning foggy-brain syndrome. After taking a beat, I realized exactly what the issue was. I was still completely perplexed by the Beyoncé performance at the 59th annual Grammy Awards.
Yep. My brain was still trying to process the sights and sounds of the ‘biggest night in music.’ I only have a Fire TV, I kicked cable out of my house over a year ago because I’m too cheap, so I don’t have regular network TV. Meaning that I had to go out of my way to catch the Grammys. I enjoy and listen to all kinds of music and have always been a fan of the Grammys and other similar awards shows; I like the variety of performances (although I candidly think the association has gotten a little out of hand with all of the absurd collabs) more so than the awards (which is great considering they award like 90% of the Grammys out earlier in the day at the pre-Grammy Grammy ceremony – the logic of that is absolutely baffling to me, but hey, that’s the biz for ya I guess). I just simply like to be entertained. This year’s Grammys certainly didn’t disappoint for many reasons; whether you watched it or not, it was utterly entertaining in many ways. Here’s a recap.
The Opener: Adele, Hello If you caught the Grammys last year, Adele performed a song off her 25 album (I think it was All I Ask – an Adele-style piano ballad) and had some out-of-her-control technical issues with the audio.
Quick back story – We hadn’t see or heard from her in years, but she was coming off of a major and highly anticipated album drop (25) in late 2015 (after the 2016 Grammy submission deadline) and a huge, ridiculously ridiculous, mega-hit in Hello. I’m sure you have heard it at least once – voluntarily or involuntarily. At the very least, you hopefully saw the mega-hilarious SNL Thanksgiving skit about the song. Please you tube that and watch it repeatedly – it is hysterical the first time and the 400th time.
Anyways, her performance at the 2016 Grammys was her first in several years so it was super hyped-up. And the second mic in the piano fell over, and all we heard was the sound of piano strings completely taking over her more than likely flawless performance. Props to her as she kept on singing because it was live and well, what was she going to do, grab the mic out of the piano and chuck it into the audiencein a fit of diva rage? No. She’s a professional. I felt so bad for her, as did the vast majority of humans who were watching I’m sure. Fairly certain it did not impact her sales though. Phew.
So opening the 2017 Grammys with her ridiculously ridiculous mega hit was her big chance at a little redemption (not that she really needed it in my opinion). It’s not your typical opening gig – obvi. It’s Adele. The Adele. She’s out of control talented. She’s got major pipes; the kind that gives you goosies. That song is killer. It’s outrageously excellent. And she nailed it. All she was missing was a Lady Gaga-Super Bowl-style mic drop at the end. Maybe next time.
The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk, I Feel It Coming All I have to say is what a difference a hair makes. I mean a year. What a difference a year makes. The Weeknd has been on a roll and it looks like his success finally landed him a stylist, or at a minimum a hairdresser. I don’t know if you recall last year, when he took the Grammys stage with a hairstyle like I’ve never seen before. It looked like the hand from a walker in the Walking Dead coming out of his head. It was, well it was certainly original. Thank goodness he has a phenomenal voice because that hairstyle alone could have easily landed him in a lifetime of toothpaste commercial jingles versus global vocal fame. But, the man got himself a haircut. Turns out he’s quite attractive when there isn’t a weird hand or tree thing protruding from his head. His voice is still superb. And he was joined, apparently in a come back of their own, by Daft Punk or as I like to call them, those two robot looking dudes whose skill set I’ve not quite nailed down yet but hey they look cool. Pretty solid performance I thought – ended up being one of my favorites. Daft Punk tinkering on the pink podium things…now that was some next-level action. For sure.
John Travolta It seems the networks have learned their lesson on allowing John Travolta to read from the teleprompter. You know, since he has proven he is incapable of doing it successfully. And also considering he has a history of being a bit of a loose cannon when there’s a camera nearby. Google him introducing Idina Menzel (the gal who brought that catchy Frozen number Let It Go to the homes of Frozen-obsessed tiny humans) at the Oscars a few years back. Adele Dazeem, anyone? It explains A LOT. I bet those cue cards he snatched from his coat pocket make a whole lot more sense now.
Twenty One Pilots Acceptance Speech Why? Just why? Seriously, where are your pants? This is the Grammys. It’s formal wear, like black-tie formal. Not formal wear, pants optional. They just took their pants off. Poor Sturgill Simpson got a view and performance he did not plan to get while attending the Grammys. At least we were blessed with a precious story that maybe semi-justified the lack of pants. Precious and borderline unsettling – why are people just watching the Grammys in their delicates? That’s odd, right? Frankly, the dude with the yellow hair seemed very uncomfortable – like he had a “bro I was joking about the pants thing and I didn’t prep for this” look on his face the whole time. But really, put your pants back on; it’s the Grammys not the MTV awards or VMAs or whatever that nightmare of the scantily clad is called.
James Corden (The Host) Put your pants on!!! Good lord. I mean I get the need for the host/comedian to make fun of Twenty One Pilots’ pants-free acceptance speech. They were easy targets. But again, put your pants back on!
Ed Sheeran, Shape Your Body Ed Sheeran is another exceptionally talented artist. And he took the stage – with his pants on – and reminded us how utterly talented he is by playing a very stripped-down (pun intended) version of his hit tune. It was one of my favorite performances of the show. I believe he played 3 instruments all by himself. Ridiculous. What a show-off.
Kelsea Ballerini & Lukas Graham collab First, why? Second, that’s fine if you want to put together a collaboration from two seemingly random artists from very different genres, but for all of us at home – please mix a better mash-up of their songs so it at least sounds decent. Third, as a fan of all music – country music included – give those country music folks a little stage time! They work just as hard as the other genres! Yes, Carrie and Keith had a great performance earlier in the show, but at least give the country artists that are tossed in the collabs 50% of the time. Seven Years is a really great song, but poor Ballerini barely got any of her song squeezed into that mash-up. At least they both had pants on.
Beyoncé – A very very pregnant-with-twins Beyoncé Before I go on, I must say that I like Beyoncé. I think she’s very talented and her voice is ridiculously stunning. To sum up, I am a fan. And I was looking forward to the performance, just like I was looking forward to Adele (in case that wasn’t made clear earlier). That being said… What. The. Hell. Was. That? I honestly had no words. Which is fitting, since she used so few words during the 7-minute long performance. I was for the most part confused; I had no idea what I was watching. It was one of those things where I really wanted to like it but I just didn’t get it – it was a little trippy. I do get that it was directly tied to the style of the album.
It was reported after the fact as a breathtaking medley of 2 tunes from her Lemonade album (a ballsy, cutting edge album that was arguably worthy of the top award of the night), which I found utterly hilarious since I think she only sang for a total of maybe a minute, give or take (and it was fabulous when she did, especially when she went into Sand Castles). Can we really call it a medley when there is so little singing? And it is safe to say that we all have different definitions of breathtaking. Call me a traditionalist, but I want to hear people singing.
But props to Queen B for even doing a performance at all. If it were me, I’d have sat that one out, and said thanks but no thanks Grammy association, I’ve got two buns in the oven and my cankles are out of control. But B doesn’t get cankles (that lucky B). And she gave us a golden performance. Literally. I remain perplexed by the performance. It threw me off my Monday morning game today. Totes obvi. *Side note – great speech*
Bruno Mars, That’s What I Like I just need to know what material their pants were made out of. They looked like they’d be extremely hot to wear, much less dance in. I was sweating just watching that performance (which was solid). But again, at least they all had pants on. I suppose any remarks of such a trivial matter like textiles can be overshadowed by the fact they were wearing pants on a night where apparently pants were optional.
Alicia Keys & Maren Morris collab So Alicia Keys is on her kick about not wearing any make-up. Which I can respect, as one who does not wear make-up. I mean I wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do with it if I owned any. Anyways, she’s been going strong on this no make-up thing for quite some time (like a year or so I think – imagine the money she has saved). So in knowing that, did anyone else lay issue with the fact that while she sported a make-up free visage, she had obviously glittered up her girls for the performance. Or it was residual glitter from the glitter onesie she was rocking. Either way, isn’t that make-up? And Maren Morris. Stellar vocals. But, just when you think we had moved past Pantless Sunday at the Grammys, Maren, too, forgot her pants. Both ladies had mad pipes, but we still came up short on the pants. Pantless Sunday at the Grammys continues.
George Michael Tribute by Adele Well her first performance was basically flawless. This one was not. But rather than continue the song as she had to in 2016 when we were all serenaded by mic-ed up piano strings (not her fault), Adele said well f-it so what if it’s live TV and well, literally drops an f-bomb on live TV, apologies for missing the mark on the song, and asks for a re-do. Her re-do was essentially flawless and once again she was back to giving us all goosies.
I’m sure the network was less than pleased by the extension, but let’s be honest…they always go way over time AND they gave Beyoncé roughly 7 minutes to sing next to nothing. So it’s really a wash, right? I was not familiar with the song Fast Love, and some local critics felt it was overly somber (guys, it’s a tribute to a well-known artist who died on Christmas day, it can be somber) – I didn’t mind it at all; I just wish I knew the song. As an aside – she did give the backstory for the tribute and the song choice during a backstage interview after the show for those who want to hear it. But two thumbs up for the mulligan. If anything, it made the pants optional show a little more interesting and less about…well, less about pants.
Chance The Rapper I like his story. I did not like his baseball hat. It’s the Grammys, leave the ball caps at home. His enthusiasm, however, made up for the wardrobe gaffe. And. AND. He was wearing pants!! They were borderline clam-diggers, but dammit they were pants.
Metallica feat. Lady Gaga Super bizarre. Perhaps the success of her Super Bowl performance has gone to her head. Or perhaps the pop-rocker turned vixen extraordinaire just cashed her Super Bowl check and stopped caring for the night. Either way, pantless (yep – you heard me – she was in cut-off ‘shorts’, the term ‘shorts’ being used very loosely) crowd surfing both seemed and looked like not the best idea. And for the love of Pete, turn the mikes on. It’s Metallica. How else are we to hear the loud, raging vocals if the mic isn’t on. The Metallica frontman looked pretty pissed as he chucked his guitar off the side stage at the end of the performance. Way to be, Grammys. Way to be.
Sturgill Simpson Damn. Go buy that album folks; it is excellent. One of my favorite performances of the night by far. That being said, Dwight Yoakam came off as a little terrifying in the intro. In his defense, he did get accidentally whacked on the back of the head by the two dudes that took off their pants near the top of the show. I’m certain that wasn’t intentional.
Celine Dion Cannot express how old it made me feel when she said she won Song of the Year for My Heart Will Go On 18 years ago. Ouch.
Welp, I’m 5 pages in on this recap and I missed a couple of the late performances (I have a bedtime), so I’m going to do a quick wrap up on the 2017 Grammys:
The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk
Ed Sheeran, Shape Your Body
Most Confusing Performance:
Best Acceptance Speeches:
Adele for Album of the Year
Number of Pantless Sunday Situations:
Suggestions for Future Grammys:
Make sure the microphones are turned on.
Give Beyoncé an Album of the Year Grammy.
Don’t forget about Country Music – they sing good too (grammar error intentional)
Bring some random awards to prime time, like Best Comedy Album or Songwriter of the Year or Best Children’s Album – mix it up and let them perform!
Trends that Need Not Continue at the 2018 Grammys: