“Flowers. In Spring? Groundbreaking.” – Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
The Fortune: A healthy way of living is be good to your health.
What an astute observation.
Folks, it does not get much deeper than that.
I’ll be honest. I become filled with utter joy anytime I see a fortune fall out of a perfectly baked Asian cookie that repeats a word or something close to it at least one time- or as I like to call it, a ‘dual-peat situation’. It is laziness in one of its finest forms, and you can rest assured that you’ve cracked open a semi-flavorless carb-cookie that’s about to Blow. Your. Mind.
This particular uber-wise fortune cookie writer was no doubt high on health as he wrote this gem. Probably eating a bowl of kale, covered in kale sauce, and finished with a sprinkle of kale dust. Let’s not forget the side of kale juice. Obviously. That kale-heavy brain-jolting rabbit food doesn’t seem to be expanding his limited vocabulary much at all. But it clearly jolted his brain into the core concepts of wellness and health. I mean why else would one make such a bold statement? We should all be so thankful. Bless his kale infused heart.
Just to be clear. You’re saying that if I’m good to my health, I am living healthy? Yes? Well when you put it that way, it does seem logical. I suppose the roughly 75% of Americans (my chubby self included) and the over 33% of world’s population that are overweight just haven’t gotten this fortune cookie yet. Imagine the day that happens. I bet we will start to see a downward trend on overweightness around the globe. Woooo! We’ve finally cracked the mystery. All thanks to a fortune cookie…clear evidence that the solutions to the world’s problems are plentiful.
Now. If you think a dual-peat situation is the bees’ knees, just wait until you have encountered a triple-peat situation. That is next-level shit, folks. These are ultra rare. Ultra rare like the 147 special little Shopkins by the likes of Mandy Candy, Radio Sue, Bubble Tubs, Apple Blossom (she’s got the boots with the fur), Sami Scrambles, and my personal favorites Winona Waffles and Cheese Louise. These tiny treasures are located in only 1 of every 10,000 packages (give or take) from China. Now, I don’t want to label myself as Shopkins expert as that would be both asinine and embarrassing, but I do have a goddaughter and several wonderful friends with young kiddos and have thus been exposed to the tiny, plastic, choke-hazard world of Shopkins to the level that I feel confident that I know what I’m talking about here. There’s a level of giddy excitement that is nearly unmatched when a three year old acquires an ultra rare Shopkin like Winona Waffles and Cheese Louise. It’s the stuff dreams are made of. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose. You’ll experience that very same level of excitement at the sight of a triple-peat fortune cookie situation. Trust me.
So, to the fortune cookie writer who drafted this little nugget of knowledge and gave us this sweet sweet slice of paradise, I would just like to say: Thank you, Captain Obvious, for your astute observation and your groundbreaking theory on wellness. Keep stating the obvious, kind sir; it looks good on you.
For those wondering, I would not keep this fortune cookie writer on the payroll. I’d send him on his way to the unemployment line and would backfill him – without question or hesitation – with the person that names all of the ultra rare Shopkins. No question. Sami Scramble? Winona Waffles? CHEESE LOUISE?! I mean c’mon. That is premium-level talent.
Welp. Stay healthy, readers. Is be good to be good to your health.